The Day After

I woke up surprisingly early Wednesday morning, but my associate and I didn't leave until around noon since we spent some time gathering our things and chatting with our gracious hosts. We had no major plans after the inauguration, other than to eventually rendezvous with our family in Massachusetts in a couple of days. With a bit of extra time on our hands, we decided to head back to DC and check out the inaugural aftermath. We stopped for gas at a station just outside Bethesda; as I went in to pay I overheard some of the mechanics, an otherwise lowbrow looking group, bragging about all of the inaugural balls they had gone to the night before. My associate later overheard them talking about how angry they were at the possibility of one of their nephews being sent to Iraq.

We stopped off at the National Cathedral, which earlier that day had been the site of a prayer session which Obama had attended. The Cathedral itself was quite impressive, clearly having been designed by someone who was afraid of God. We snapped a few pictures of the impressive exterior, then went in. My first stop was the bathroom, which was inconveniently located at the end of a hall and down a flight of stairs. On my way down, I noticed one of the bricks in the wall was inscribed with the word "Gitmo", which made me think for a second that this cathedral might have its own torture facility - hey, with some churches, you never know.




Heading back up to the main level, we entered the main cathedral hall. A prominent sign suggested we donate $5, but being short for cash, we decided not to give money and keep our visit short. This may have offended God, but thankfully he decided not to smite us. The church was relatively empty, but I talked with a woman who had been outside the church earlier and she said the whole area was completely packed. Obama had apparently been whisked in and out through a secret side entrance so as to be minimally exposed to the proletariat. Oh well. At least his presidency is a bit holier now. LCD screens lining the aisles still displayed a "message of hope" for all to read. However, the woman I was talking with, a filmmaker from New York, actually recognized me from the blog. Hot damn, I'm famous!




We left the church after taking a photo for a young couple visiting the church. Afterward, we drove south to the center of town, which gave us a good reminder of why we don't usually drive through the center of town in DC. It took nearly half an hour to get from Thomas Circle to the south side of the Mall, a distance of roughly 10 blocks. At least that gave us a good look at the parade route and the mall. Many of the metal barriers and parade seats were still up, though much of the trash had miraculously been collected. The best part was that while we were doing this, we were also listening to news about Obama's first day on the radio. Not being political insiders, it was the best we could do.






And so we left the noble capitol city, taking the not-so-noble Baltimore Expressway out of town. On our way our, we caught one last glimpse of the Capitol Dome, silhouetted against the reddening dusk sky. While it would have been nice to stick around longer, we had our own lives to continue with, and we were reassured by the knowledge that that dome had a new employee who would do things differently, and better.

The Greatest Day in American History - Part 3

12:00 – There were a limited number of exits to the national mall, and they were all crowded. Approaching the exits, the crowd converged into an epic bottleneck. My associate and I spotted a freshly vacated handicapped area with vacant chairs, and having been standing for the last three hours, we decided to sit for awhile instead of fight with the crowd. We sat down and realized how truly exhausted we were. At this point, Bush flew over the crowd, his last trip in Marine One. The crowd erupted in the "Na na na na... Goodbye" song again, and I yelled, "And don't come back!". Afterward, we got up and walked toward the exits, which had calmed down considerably. We saw a group of people with pinwheel hats that said “the winds of change” and stopped to chat with them; apparently they were a kazoo band that was playing throughout Washington for inauguration day. I would have joined them, but unfortunately my kazoo and goofy hat were back at home. On our way to the gates, we stopped to pat a police horse resting in its trailer. We also stopped at a porta potty - we didn’t have to wait, but conditions inside were thoroughly rank. As we walked toward the exits, trash left by the enormous crowd billowed in the breeze, and trash cans overflowed with coke cans and hot dog boxes.






12:45 – We made it out of the mall and crossed over the 12th street tunnel, which was closed to cars and was filling with people trying to walk through to the other side. Since the parade was about to begin, the other side of the tunnel had apparently been closed to pedestrians as well, and people began flooding back in the other direction. We decided to head toward the southeast side of the capital to see some of the parade acts as they left for the main parade route. We walked east on Independence Ave. to the National Botanic garden, then were diverted southeast. We crossed the Third Street Tunnel, which was also crowded with people trying to cross the parade route. We then passed the South Capitol Metro stop, and the lines to get in there looked completely unbearable. It circled the block, and was barely moving despite the best efforts and barked orders of the metro police. We headed north to the Library of Congress, and from there some of the parade bands and floats were visible. My associate sat on the steps while I stood on a ledge to get a better view of the activity on the east side of the capital. Legions of secret service agents were scurrying up and down the capital steps, but there was no sign of the Obamas or anyone else recognizable. I took some telephoto shots of marching bands and left.







2:45 – We headed southeast along Pennsylvania Ave. to look for food. The street was closed to traffic for several blocks, and only the occasional ambulance or cop car rushed by. Many of the restaurants were packed, and as we walked by, the maitre d’ at a fancy Greek restaurant informed prospective patrons that they would have to wait another thirty minutes for a table, but they could come inside to wait if they wished. We finally stopped to eat at a small market with a deli. A man in front of us briskly ordered a corned beef sandwich, then stopped to talk with us. He told us he had lived in this neighborhood all his life, and that this was the most excited people had ever been there since the inauguration of Kennedy. We ordered sandwiches and then ate them in a nearby park as crowds filed outward in search of less crowded metro stations.




4:00 – We finished our lunch and continued southeast in search of a convenient metro station. The Eastern Market stop was extremely crowded, so we continued to Potomac Ave, which wasn’t crowded at all. We boarded a train which was completely empty and sat down. There were a fair amount of other people who got on with us; as the train got going a woman from New York complained that the Washington Subway was horrible because there “isn’t a station on every block like back home”. We stopped at Eastern Market, which was pretty crowded; South capitol, which was very crowded, and finally L’Enfant Plaza, which was completely clogged. The subway filled up, and as the train gave a sudden start, one woman reached for a handrail and accidentally grabbed my associate’s head. We eventually got off at Metro Center to transfer to a different train. It took us nearly a minute just to push our way off the train, and the subway station was jammed with people. We rode the Red Line to Woodley Park, then took a walk over Rock Creek as the sun was setting. We walked past a number of embassies and classy apartment complexes. People in elegant suits and lavish dresses were
hailing taxis on the street, presumably on their way to some swank ball. We turned east to the more lowbrow Adams-Morgan, whose name incidentally derives from a neighborhood school which was the first in DC to integrate. There were less suits and ties, but a large group of people had gathered on the sidewalk to dance in celebration of the new president. We stopped at a bookstore to rest for awhile, and by the time we left we were hungry again. We ate at a Peruvian restaurant, and while the food could have been better, the mood was boisterous as black, latino, and white patrons speculated as to what they might do later in the evening, and what Obama would be like as president. Unfortunately, we couldn't join in any more festivities for the evening, we were dead tired.








7:00 - We boarded the Red Line back at Woodley Park. The streets above were filled with people in fancy attire, some hailed cabs and others just took the metro. In the station, we were the only ones waiting on the train to take us out of town. Eventually the train came, and it was virtually empty for the entire ride. But as we got off at Shady Grove, we saw there were a few other inaugural attendees who had gotten burnt out early. We walked back to the car; thankfully the Liberty Mutual salespeople had already gone home.

9:00 - As we soon found out, spending an entire day on your feet gives you the urge to consume sugary food. On our way back to Pennsylvania, we got off in Frederick for a donut fix at Dunkin. We ordered a half dozen old-fashioneds and ate them all. To my dismay, a group of wannabe jock high school students began talking about how "messed up" it was that the new president was black. One of them even complained about how his dad called him from his office about the inauguration, which his dad knew would spur him into a racist tirade. To his dismay, the phone was on speaker, and everyone in the office got to hear him making an idiot out of himself. Of course, this young gentleman didn't see anything wrong with spewing hatred, and the scorn of dozens of office workers only turned his racism into a righteous cause. It was a dark coda to an otherwise magnificent day, but the silver lining came as a fresh stack of the Washington Post's inaugural extra papers were delivered. They were supposed to sell for $2 each, but the store owners let us have one for $.75. Nice! We walked back to the car, saddened by the reality of this country's lingering racism, but uplifted by our newly acquired keepsake and a fresh supply of sugar.

10:45 - We arrived back in rural PA. The family we were staying with was thrilled to hear about our trip and excitedly watched our pictures, proclaiming that "these are exactly what was missing from CNN's coverage." While we all talked about what a profound change this new president was, I got the feeling that the enormity of today's events had yet to truly sink in. We went to bed, satisfied and exhausted.

Prenauguration

We went to DC today. It was relatively exciting, and there were vendors and tour groups everywhere. News crews had set up on the mall, including an older reporter from Germany. Traffic on the way out has left me with precious little time to sleep. But having seen Washington on the inaugural eve, I'm excited.

Obama and the Boss

Unfortunately, Obamathon Man is spending time with his family in Richmond and won't be able to attend the massive free concert at the Lincoln Memorial. For those of you in town, the fun begins at 2:30, and if I'm not mistaken, Obama will be there to start things off, followed by performances by Bruce Springsteen, Mary J Blige, Stevie Wonder, and others. Maybe if the Boss can get Obama to sing backup on "Born in the USA", all those rumors about him being born in Indonesia will be put to rest. Those of you outside Washington can also catch the festivities live on HBO. Or if you're like me, you'll watch them later on youtube.

We'll be in DC Tomorrow, though! There's plenty of cool service projects in the DC area. No word as to which service events Obama and Biden will be at, at least no news that I could find on google. It has been revealed that the Obamas are going to a number of exclusive dinners in the evening, none of which normal people can attend. You can always opt to see the free Jonas Bros. Concert though. Me, I'd rather go swim in the Potomac.

THE OBAMATHON GUIDE.™ Part 6: Got Balls?

So, you made it into DC, watched the inauguration and parade, and ate a hearty meal. What's next? Partaaay! On the night of January 20, DC will look something like Marti Gras with good manners. Well, at least all the places where Obama's going to show up will. For those looking to keep things on the lowbrow, you'll have plenty of options as well. Here's a brief guide to getting your groove on, inauguration style.

Balls: There are balls representing every state, region, and interest group. For me to publish a full list of inaugural balls would take way too long, but here's a pretty comprehensive list to check out. Ticket prices vary widely, but can go from $50 to as much as $2000. For If balling is your thing, you probably know all about what to wear. But just in case, here's a quick refresher on dress codes.

Men's Dress Codes - from least formal to most formal:

(No dressing specification)

Wear whatever you like, although it's recommended that you wash it first.

Black tie invited/optional

In this case, it is not mandatory to wear a tuxedo, however you will probably see more tuxedos than dark suits at these affairs. Black tuxedos and white or ivory dinner jackets with black trousers are appropriate. However, dinner jackets are out of season during the inauguration.

Black tie preferred

This means the host of the party prefers to see all guests in formalwear. You could wear a dark suit, but tuxedos are preferred.

Black tie

If the event you are attending is “black tie” and the invitation says the same, you are expected to wear a tuxedo. All guests invited to this function are required and expected to wear formalwear.

White tie

This is the creme de la classy. You must wear black tails with black trousers and a white pique formal shirt, bow tie, and vest. This ensemble is know as the “ultra formal look,” and if your event calls for it, you should not wear anything else. Guests not in adherence to the dress code will be sneered to death.

While similar dress codes don't apply directly to what women should wear, they serve as cues as to the level of formality at the event. Besides, if you're a woman, you probably have a sixth sense for what and what not to wear. And if you're worried about someone wearing the same dress as you, register yours at the Dress Registry.

For those of you not classy enough to attend balls, there's always the bar scene in DC. The latest outlook is that bars will stay open until 4. Check this site for a complete listing of DC bars, or just head to the Adams Morgan or Dupont Circle areas.

Many of you will simply want to head home after the inauguration. But for those looking to party after the inauguration, you have good reason to do so, and plenty of places to cut loose. Rock on, DC.

THE OBAMATHON GUIDE.™
Introduction (history, crowd density)
Part 1: Is It Safe? (safety, prohibited items, law enforcement, crime)
Part 2: Crush Hour(Transportation, Getting to DC, Getting to the Mall, the Metro)
Part 3: When Nature Calls (restrooms, sanitation)
Part 4: Phone Frenzy (Cell phones, texting, finding lost friends)
Part 5: Food for Thought (Food, sack lunches, vendors, restaurants)
Part 6: Got Balls?

Congress Sworn In

While Obama has yet to take office, the 111th Congress has been sworn in, which is the congressional equivalent of being inaugurated. It's unfortunate I couldn't have been in Washington for that too, but I have the feeling it was a bit less exciting than the actual inauguration will be. I wish congress the best of luck, you guys certainly have your work cut out for you.

THE OBAMATHON GUIDE.™ Part 5: Food for Thought

Having already covered one essential bodily function, the Obamathon Guide turns its attention to a less unpleasant and more tasty (I hope) set of bodily functions: eating and drinking. For most inaugural attendees, eating will be a simple matter of course, while for some of the elite it will be a matter of three course meals. Nonetheless, here are a few tips on where to eat, what to eat, and even when to eat - yes, it makes a difference.

For the less epicurean inaugural attendees, the most attractive option is probably bringing in your own food. This will save you cash, and you can be creative about what you bring. For those of you with front row seats or plans to attend the parade, keep in mind a few pertinent restrictions: no coolers, thermoses, or bags larger than 8"x6"x4". For those riding in on the metro, there are no items specifically prohibited for inauguration day other than bicycles, but the WMATA recommends you take as little as possible (sorry WMATA, I'm not giving up my PB&J). Those in possession of semi-reinforced lunch bags should bring them if they want any hope of leaving the metro without squished sandwiches. Also, don't bring anything that spoils easily or can easily spill and make a mess.

For those of you planning to get to DC early and not wanting to buy food, you'll have to pack more food. Obamathon Man plans to eat an energy bar in the morning to stave off hunger for as long as possible; even if they aren't that nutritious, they work for me. Also, it would be best to bring a small water bottle - while you don't want to drink too much, you should have some liquids with your food.

Those wary of brown-baggin' it can always try buying food from vendors. Specific locations have been designated for vendors both North and South of the parade route. It's pretty much assumed that vendor markup will be outrageous; be prepared to pay top dollar for a hot dog, and don't be surprised if ketchup costs extra.

For those of you classy enough to eat at a sit-down restaurant, word on the street is you'd better book a table now. Most restaurants appear to still be open on inauguration day, but call in advance, especially if the restaurant you have in mind is near the parade route. The good news is, so far there aren't any reports about restaurants price-gouging on the 20th, but of course that's subject to change. Also, since getting around is going to be an issue, leave plenty of time to make it to the restaurant by the time you reserved, and avoid making a reservation North of the parade route if you're going to watch the parade on the South side. While I won't be providing a full guide to the restaurants of Washington DC, here's a site that does. There's also DC foodies, as well as my arch nemesis's food guide.

For me, the inauguration isn't really about the food. But on Jan. 20, the taste of hope will be sweet. See you in DC.

THE OBAMATHON GUIDE.™
Introduction (history, crowd density)
Part 1: Is It Safe? (safety, prohibited items, law enforcement, crime)
Part 2: Crush Hour(Transportation, Getting to DC, Getting to the Mall, the Metro)
Part 3: When Nature Calls (restrooms, sanitation)
Part 4: Phone Frenzy (Cell phones, texting, finding lost friends)
Part 5: Food For Thought
Part 6: Got Balls? (Inaugural balls, dress codes, bars)

UPDATE: Inauguration Road Closures

View Larger Map

The biggest news happens when you don't have access to the internet. Today, the secret service has announced the road closures for inauguration day; it looks suspiciously like the closures from the last inauguration. There is also a lengthy list of vehicle restriction guidelines and bridge closures. Road closures take effect at 3 PM January 19, and last until 7 am, January 21. The secret service has also listed entry points to the parade route, which will open at 7 AM, and cautions: "All attendees, including general public and ticketed guests, are subject to a thorough security screening before entering the Inaugural parade route, the White House reviewing stand and the Inaugural balls. Please allow for additional time for this security screening, as it is expected that lines may be long." Thanks, SS! Way to earn your coily earpieces. Here's the complete list of entry points for the parade route:

- 2nd Street NW and C Street NW
- 3rd Street NW and C Street NW
- Indiana Avenue NW between 6th St NW and 7th St NW
- 7th Street NW and D Street NW
- 10th Street NW and E Street NW
- 12th Street NW and E Street NW
- E Street NW just east of 13th Street NW
- 13th Street NW just North of E Street NW
- 14th Street NW just North of E Street NW
- 12th Street NW between Constitution Avenue. and Pennsylvania Avenue
- 10th Street NW between Constitution Avenue. and Pennsylvania Avenue
- 7th Street NW between Constitution Avenue. and Pennsylvania Avenue
- Constitution Avenue between 6th Street NW and 7th Street NW

But the worst part is they refer to the whole thing as "The Inaugural". Grrrrrrr.

DC Metro Exiting Directions

DC's subway stations require the doors to open on alternating sides of the train, which may be problematic for passengers on packed inauguration day trains. So, as a New Year's present to all inaugural attendees (and curious District residents), Obamathon Man presents a footnote to Part 2 of the Obamathon Guide: a list of platform directions for each metro station within walking distance of the inaugural proceedings. "Left" or "right" directions are relative to the direction the train travels; in other words, if you are facing the direction the train is traveling, stations marked "right" will have platforms on your right hand side.

RED LINE Stations

STATION	SIDE
Dupont Circle	Right
Farragut North	Left
Metro Center (Red Line platform)	Right
Gallery Pl./Chinatown (Red Line platform)	Right
Judiciary Square	Right
Union Station	Left

BLUE LINE and BLUE/ORANGE LINE Stations

STATION	SIDE
Arlington Cemetery(Blue Line only)	Right
Rosslyn	Left
Foggy Bottom/GWU	Left
Farragut West	Right
McPherson Square	Right
Metro Center (Blue/Orange platform)	Left
Federal Triangle	Left
Smithsonian	CLOSED Jan. 20
L'Enfant Plaza (Blue/Orange platform)	Left
Federal Center SW	Left
Capitol South	Left
Eastern Market	Left
Potomac Ave	Left

GREEN LINE and GREEN/YELLOW LINE Stations

STATION	SIDE
Navy Yard (Green Line only) (Green Line only)	Left
Waterfront/SEU (Green Line only)	Left
L'Enfant Plaza (Green/Yellow platform)	Right
Archives/Navy Mem./Penn Quarter	CLOSED Jan. 20
Gallery Pl./Chinatown (Green/Yellow platform)	Left
Mt. Vernon Sq./7th St./Convention Center	Left
Shaw/Howard Univ.	Left
U St/African American Civil War Memorial/Cardozo	Left

THE OBAMATHON GUIDE.™ Part 2: Crush Hour

To staunch West Coasters like myself, "in and out" has always meant either tasty burgers or innuendo. But in Washington DC on January 20, getting in and out of the inauguration zone will be an epic battle, and in some cases, a matter of life and death. No, seriously! If a Wal-Mart rush can kill someone, imagine what might happen during what promises to be the most crowded inauguration ever. So, with the utmost care, dignity, respect for the human condition, and other feelings not normally felt outside of a beauty pageant, Obamathon presents Part 2 of his guide to the 2009 inauguration of Barack Obama: Crush Hour - getting in and out of the inauguration... alive!

Getting to the DC Area
As you may know, airlines have added flights for the inauguration. However, getting a flight into Washington's Reagan or Dulles airports will cost an arm and a leg, and that's only if you get a good deal. A quick search Travelocity reveals that you may be able to squeeze a cheaper fare, but only if you're willing to endure a six hour layover in Atlanta. If you do end up flying to DC, you can take the 5A express bus from Dulles, or the Metro Blue and Yellow Lines from Reagan to get within the District on the cheap. Flying into BWI may be a cheaper way to go, and the airport is directly served by Maryland's MARC trains. If you can't get a good deal at either of these airports, better try Philadelphia, Richmond, or Newport News, VA; they'll be less crowded but you'll need to find ground transportation to DC from there.

For those of you based on the eastern seaboard, you may want to consider riding straight to DC on Amtrak. Increased train service has been announced for inauguration day, and with tickets for sale at regular fares, traveling into DC on Jan 20 could save you a small fortune in hotel fees. If you live north of DC you can take either the Northeast Regional (aka the little engine that could), or the Acela, which is slightly faster and twice as expensive. If you live in Richmond or Newport News, you're stuck with the regional. Amtrak does offer direct train service to DC from some cities in Illinois, Indiana, Georgia, the Carolinas, and Florida, and while this will take you into the center of town, Amtrak's long distance trains are notoriously slow.

For those of you driving in beforehand, check with your hotel or place of lodging to make sure parking isn't an issue. You may want to check to see if they plan to charge extra for parking on inauguration day. Another option is to leave your car near a suburban Metro or MARC station, however since neither of these offer overnight parking in their official parking lots, you'll need to find street parking in an area that doesn't have street sweeping.

And for those with no other option, there are buses. Lavish bus tours are being offered from various Eastern and Midwestern cities, but for those of you without the extra dough, there are also lowbrow intercity buses. Buses are a bit more reliable than trains, but they are subject to freeway traffic and usually stop further from the center of town than trains. Plus, it's virtually impossible to leave the bus without someone at the terminal asking for money.

Getting to the Mall

The fun begins! First off, central DC is difficult to park in on a normal day, so you can pretty much scratch that out. If you're riding in on a charter bus or on a train, you will be dropped off within walking distance of the mall, though you may have to push and shove a bit on the way. For those staying outside the city, both MARC and the Virginia Rail Express are offering trains from as far away as Frederick, Fredericksburg, Perryville, and Manassas (love that name), but you will need to book tickets in advance. For the lucky ducks who have found a place to stay within walking distance of the mall, good for you, but with all other means of transportation completely jammed, "walking distance" may become a bit longer than it normally is. Here's a list of walking distances to the mall from various DC hoods, or you can run a pedometer search of your route.

Bikes, a perennial favorite with Obamathon Man, appear to be a good way to get into the inauguration, especially with the newly announced bike valet. However, for out-of-towners, obtaining a bike may be difficult. SmartBike DC is an innovative bike rental program in the DC area which offers dozens of bikes for rent at several locations throughout DC, but you need to pay the $40 annual subscription fee to have access to them. Other bike rental services don't generally rent bikes in the winter, but you can contact them yourself if you're feeling lucky. Here's a list.

For most of us, including Obamathon Man, the Metro will be the way to go. As you may know, trains will be operating on a rush-hour schedule (at rush-hour prices) from 4AM to 9PM on the 20th, and continue regular service until 2 the next morning. Station parking will cost $4 (cash only), check to see if there is parking available at your station. Metro's capacity is 120,000 people per hour, about 6% of the projected crowd for the inauguration, so needless to say, trains will be packed. Near the mall, two stations will be closed: Archives/Navy Memorial and Smithsonian. The DC Metro charges different fares depending on where you board and where you exit, with longer trips costing up to $4.00 one way. Check here for pricing by clicking on the station you're departing from. An alternative to this is to buy a day pass, which for inauguration day has been raised to $10. You can also buy passes in advance to avoid lines at the ticket machines.

If you hate crowds, it may be best for you to get off at a more distant station, such as Farragut North, Farragut West, or Eastern Market, however this will give you a longer walk and you might have more difficulty finding a good spot to view the proceedings. If you're driving in, park at the most distant stations, like Shady Grove, Vienna/Fairfax, or Franconia/Springfield, so you can secure a spot on the train. If you need to board at a closer station, don't stand too close to the tracks while waiting for trains - it probably won't save you time, and it could result in falling on the tracks (especially with large crowds), which could result in getting hit by a train, which definitely will result in pain and inability to attend the inauguration.

Once on board, keep all your possessions close by and always hold on to handrails. Know which station you're getting off at so you can know which side of the train you'll need to exit on, and start moving toward the exit well in advance. On the way home, consider boarding the train at a station in the opposite direction of your destination (for example, if you're riding to New Carlton, get on at Foggy Bottom instead of Farragut West). Trains will be less crowded and it will be easier to board. If you plan on carrying anything with you, leave as early as possible. For more tips on surviving crowded subways, check out this helpful link.

Getting to and from the center of things will certainly be challenging, but with a little advance preparation it wont be too difficult - though it may be a bit uncomfortable. But hey, no one ever said being a part of history would be comfortable. See you there.


THE OBAMATHON GUIDE
Introduction (history, crowd density)
Part 1: Is It Safe? (safety, prohibited items, law enforcement, crime)
Part 2: Crush Hour
Part 3: When Nature Calls (restrooms, sanitation)
Part 4: Phone Frenzy (Cell phones, texting, finding lost friends)
Part 5: Food for Thought (Food, sack lunches, vendors, restaurants)

Washington DC's Naughty Bits

For whatever reason, Obamathon Man felt the urge to see what the DC Naval Observatory looked like from the air. Don't ask. But upon further magnification, he found the satellite image to be blurrified. NOOOOOO! Nowhere else within the beltway, not even the Pentagon, gets this special treatment. A little research on the greatest website ever created reveals that this was in fact the doing of Vice President Dick Cheney, who didn't want the general public to see his house. And they called Nixon "Tricky Dick". In Cheney's defense, there are plenty of things over at Casa Cheney that the public would be better off not seeing. For instance, aerial cameras might have caught Cheney in the middle of his morning routine of killing kittens. And there's that portal to hell he had installed next to the vice-presidential barbecue. Whatever the reason, I'm sure it's in the interest of national security and not because Cheney is by far the worst elected official in the 225 year history of this country. In any case, Joe Biden is scheduled to take up residency in the Naval Observatory this January. No word as to whether or not he's going to have it unblurred on Google, but it's likely he'll have trouble getting the smell of brimstone out of the drapes. Does anyone know of a good cleaner/exorcist in the DC area?

Obamorabilia: The Obama Store

Barack Obama will go down in history for, among other things, being the president who lent his image to the most merchandise. If his economic stimulus doesn't work, hopefully at least Americans will buy enough Obama-themed objects to put the economy back on track. Obamathon Man chronicles the popular trends, the quirky deviations and the utterly tasteless byproducts of Obama mania in a series known as Obamorabilia.

Get your life-size Obama cardboard cutouts! To those in the DC area who just can't get enough Obama-themed stuff, there's a new store in town just for you: The Obama Souvenir Shop! Conveniently located next to the White House so as to scoop up the optimum amount of tourist junk spending, the Obama Souvenir Shop features every type of clothing, stationery, sundry, toiletry, cosmetic, or other frivolity imaginable - with an Obama logo on it! Why, just the other day, they unveiled their new Obama-flavored hot sauce, which quickly began selling like hot cakes. Hot damn! The owner, Jim Warlick, was astute enough to buy a zillion copies of the Nov. 5 Washington Post for $2 apiece, they're up for resale now at the Obama Store for $20. But while most newspaper profiteers would just give you the paper for $20, Warlick is charitable enough to throw in a protective plastic sheet too. Of the rest of his inventory, Warlick says, "We're seeing the average sale is four to five times the normal sale purchase." Gosh Jim, you remind me of the old rich guy from Monopoly.

Links for 12/12

1,000 hotels room [sic] still available for inauguration (ABC News)
Obama Inauguration is teh evil (Youtube)
Obamathon Man to be only LA thug at inauguration, others not invited (LA Times)
Get your drink on! DC bars open till 5 AM inauguration night. (Associated Press)
See the inauguration, spend the night 88 miles away in Lancaster, PA! Horse-drawn carriage not included (Lancaster Online)