Too Much Lincoln?

Barack Obama, former U.S. senator from the Land of Lincoln. Appoints his cabinet on the axiom that it should be a "Team of Rivals", as Lincoln's cabinet has been described. Chooses as his inauguration theme "A New Birth of Freedom", a line from Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. Plans to ride to the inauguration by train, entering Washington the same way as Lincoln. I really hope he's not also going to leave Washington the same way as Lincoln.

To be fair, Lincoln is probably one of the better role models anyone could pick. Emulating Lincoln is a politically savvy move; since he is a figure revered by both Democrats and Republicans, it is a subtle hint of bipartisanship. Since Lincoln is best remembered as a capable leader during a time of crisis, Obama's Lincolnizing may cement his own appearance of being up to the task of handling the presidency in hard times. And of course, Lincoln was the president who gave the executive order which freed African-American slaves in this country, arguably the single greatest thing any American president has done for the Black community. Obama happens to be the first Black president of the U.S.

But let's not forget that Lincoln was president 150 years ago, and times have changed a bit. Lincoln's challenge was bringing together a bitterly divided union and win a war that could not have been avoided, Obama's will be to restore a battered economy and end a war that should have been avoided. When Lincoln held office, the U.S. was not a superpower whose every action had effects around the world. In Lincoln's time, nuclear weapons didn't exist, and terrorism meant an anarchist with a derringer. And unlike Obama, Lincoln didn't carry a blackberry.

It's true that good leadership is timeless. But how much Lincoln is too much? It would be great if Obama was the next Lincoln, but it would be even better if he was remembered as the first of his kind. So, Mr. President-Elect, let's try and tone down the open references to Lincoln. Don't let the Obama Express make any whistle stops in Gettysburg, don't name your new pooch Abe, and for god's sake don't buy your daughters Lincoln Logs this Christmas.

THE OBAMATHON GUIDE: An Inaugural Guide to Washington DC™ - Introduction

In the near future, men and women will live in cramped quarters. Streets will be crammed and congested, teaming with criminals and vendors of overpriced merchandise. Food supplies will be inadequate, and those fortunate enough to find nearby restaurants had better come with ample supplies of cash. Sewage systems will be clog, portajohns will be overwhelmed, and a wave of odor will be unleashed that makes London's Great Stink seem like Febreeze. And people will pay $1500 a night to sleep on couches.

Okay, so maybe watching Soylent Green before going to the inauguration is a bad idea. But seriously, it's going to be packed. Just how crowded will Washington DC be on inauguration day? Well, news sources have indicated that 1 to 4 million people will be present during the inauguration. Presumably, most of those people will stay within the area near the capitol, white house, mall, and the stretch of Pennsylvania Ave. between the Capitol and the White House. According to this nifty "planimeter", the area of this area (tried to think of a better way to phrase that but couldn't) is roughly 3.45 square miles. Split between the low figure of 1 million, that's roughly 96 square feet, or a 10x10 space, for every attendee. Not too bad, right? If the full 4 mil show up, that area shrinks to 5x5, still doable. But here's the thing: most of those 3 square miles are occupied by buildings, making it difficult for crowds to fill that space. If the entire 1-4 million crowd squeezes into the open spaces between Union Station, the Capitol, the White House, and the Lincoln Memorial (an area of .81 square miles) everyone would have from 22 to as low as 5.6 square feet, roughly the same square footage as the the back seat of a Smart Car. If streets are closed to traffic and open to crowds, there may be a few extra square feet to go around. But the bottom line is it's probably going to be flesh on flesh out there, which may sound sexy until you consider that the other flesh might belong to a hairy fat guy from Duluth, MN.

So why even go? Why would people show up fully aware that 1 to 4 million people would also be showing up? To paraphrase Yogi Berra, wouldn't Washington get so crowded that no one would go there anymore? Well for starters, this guy will be there.
And we all know he rocks. But in a funny sort of way, the massive crowds themselves are a bit of a draw. When else in our lives will we get a chance to congregate with so many of our fellow countrypeople? Will a crowd this large ever assemble again? I am thrilled to be in attendance; my inner optimist giddily wants to partake in sheer euphoria writ large, my inner pessimist has always wanted to experience first hand what living in a dystopia would be like. But whatever the motive, just to be there will be life-altering. 2009's inauguration will be the Woodstock of the Myspace generation: instead of hippie buses there will be Priuses and people who took the Metro, instead of tie-dye there will be twitterers, instead of - okay, there will still be illicit substances this time around. But there will be idealism in all its splendor, and hope, and love. And someday, the youngest of us will lean back, sigh happily, and tell their grandchildren about the time they went to the 2009 inauguration.

See you there.



THE OBAMATHON GUIDE
Introduction
Part 1: Is It Safe? (safety, prohibited items, law enforcement, crime)
Part 2: Crush Hour(Transportation, Getting to DC, Getting to the Mall, the Metro)
Part 3: When Nature Calls (restrooms, sanitation)
Part 4: Phone Frenzy (Cell phones, texting, finding lost friends)
Part 5: Food for Thought (Food, sack lunches, vendors, restaurants)
Part 6: Got Balls? (Inaugural balls, dress codes, bars)

Blog-o'-jevich, or The Importance of Being Corrupt

First off, some thanks are in order. After the recent release of Frost/Nixon, I've been itching for an opportunity to use the phrase "expletive deleted". And, as if served up on a tarnished silver platter by god himself in answer to my prayers, here comes Rod Blagojevich.

As you are well aware, most states allow their governors to name a successor if one of the state's senators is elected to a higher office. Blagojevich - Blago for short - was given the privilege of naming Barack Obama's successor. He was thrilled to have this opportunity. so thrilled in fact that he described it as "[expletive deleted] golden" and, for whatever reason, a "parachute" (golden parachute?). In any case, parachutes aren't cheap, and Blago felt "giving it up for [expletive deleted] nothing" would be unwise. Incidentally, he also thinks the same former senator to whom he owes his golden opportunity, Barack Obama, is an expletive deleted.

After the news about Blago broke, the whole thing played out rather predictably. Democrats systematically tried to quarantine Blago. Republicans claimed that Obama is the real culprit (He really did talk with Blago about his senate replacement - LIAR!). Blago clung to his governorship like the expletive deleted he is, but at this point it looks like he will soon be Governor Blago no more. Outside Illinois, Blago went from being unknown to a pariah, soon to be forgotten. A month from now, saying "Blagojevich" will again prompt people to say "bless you".

But what does it all mean? First off, as Rosa Brooks astutely noted in today's L.A. Times, a political party is most susceptible to corruption when it takes power. But let's also take a moment to be thankful (cue the sappy music) that we live in a country in which patronage is the exception, and that there are still plenty of officials who would assign senate seats for expletive deleted nothing, like they should. C'mon people, we live in the country where infidelity gets you impeached. In some countries, infidelity gets you elected.

Here's hoping that Obama won't fall prey to Blago-style corruption. Or Clinton-style corruption. Or especially Bush-style corruption - I'd like to hold on to my constitution for a few more years.