Sunday, January 4, 2009

Asking for Change: Imitating Life




Asking For Change: an occasional series on what should change in the U.S. under a new president, why it should change, and how we all can make it happen.

Obamathon Man and his associate spent yesterday afternoon being cultural at the Denver Art Museum. The building itself is a work of art, that is to say, unusual and not really intended to look pretty. The museum is comprised of two buildings which are four and six stories tall, and the most notable feature of the whole place was that there was a children's play center on nearly every floor. Perhaps they wanted to let mommy and daddy admire the paintings without the little ones slobbering on the ancient Qing Dynasty figurines. Just as well.

After 10 floors of art, we were arted out. We were thinking too hard. Art imitates life, because it presents all kinds of problems and no solution. There you are in the museum, staring at an old tractor plow with a giant skull on it, wondering whether it represents the inevitable subjugation of the agrarian proletariat, the dangers of farm life, or just the artist's fondness for plows and skulls. You turn to your fellow museum patrons, hoping that they might mutter something amongst themselves that makes the whole thing make sense, but they look at at it with the same vacant stare as you. Upon leaving the museum, we were ready for something easily explainable, like lunch.

But we were happy to have visited, especially since it was free. Even though some in our family don't like the design of the building, and even the two of us wouldn't go out of our way to defend it, I'm much happier that it's there instead of some anonymous office building. Office buildings exist to house offices, to provide a workplace for workers, who work to make money for themselves and enrich their corporate bosses, who also work for themselves but also to enrich the economy, so we're told. It's easy to understand. Maybe the reason I'm happy the art museum is there is that it's an acknowledgment that the height of human endeavor is more than making things easy to understand. Maybe the tractor plow and skull convey something that would not come across through a news article or scholarly essay.

I'm not saying we should teach art because it might make you smarter. Nor am I suggesting an increase in NEA funding - though I don't think their funding should be decreased either. What I would like to see is a society who looks at the art and doesn't try to reduce it into literary terms. Ars gratia artis, art for art's sake. That's the best interpretation of the skull plow I have to offer.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

It's Not "The Inaugural"!

Obamathon Man does not consider himself a grammar nazi. But there is one particular linguistic slip-up that really grinds my gears: when people or news articles refer to the inauguration as "the inaugural". I've got news for you: "inaugural" is an adjective. Just like "happy" is an adjective. Would you tell someone you're going to the happy?

OK, mayyybe you could argue that when people say "inaugural" is short-hand for "55th inaugural ceremony". Maybe. But that would be like residents of Pleasant Hill referring to their city as "Pleasant". Do you live in Pleasant? Huh? Where the hell is Pleasant? We can live in descriptions now?

So, please just make the extra effort and call it "the inauguration". Three more letters won't kill you, but leaving them out will kill the English language.

Friday, January 2, 2009

Dressy Situation


Obamathon Man would like to reiterate that he is a man, that is to say a male, and neither interested in nor capable of understanding the anguish, consternation and despair felt by females who inadvertently show up to the a formal event wearing the same outfit. Let's take a moment to appreciate this situation: for women, wearing the same outfit as someone else is an über faux-pas, but for men, we have to wear the same outfit as everyone else. So naturally, it's a difficult thing for guys to understand, but let me just say, I've seen it happen and it's not something you want to see. To put it into terms easier for guys to get, it would be like buying a new 40" 1080p flat screen and finding out that your buddy just got one that's 42 inches. Dammit!

Fortunately for all female attendees, there's a new website which registers what kind of dress everyone is wearing to inaugural balls. The one catch: it's first come first serve. So ladies, as soon as you find that perfect outfit that you've looked for all week, get right online and stake your claim!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

THE OBAMATHON GUIDE.™ Part 3: When Nature Calls

The average human produces 4.6 lbs of waste per day. If 2 million people show up at the inauguration, DC will have to cope with 9.2 million pounds of poop. Holy crap! Or at least it would be if inaugural preacher Rick Warren gives it his blessing - he'll probably even contribute some bulls**t of his own. Obamathon Man understands your pain at the potty, and presents some helpful hints for holding it in.

Latest estimates call for 5,000 Port-o-Pots on the Mall on the 20th. The Washington Metro is closing its normal facilities (so as to thwart toilet terrorists!) but placing 150 portable facilities to replace them. Additionally, several of the major museums lining the mall will be open on inauguration day. Since the parade will probably draw a denser crowd to the north and east of the mall, museums on the southwestern side of the mall are probably a better bet for a shorter wait, such as the Hirshhom Museum, the Smithsonian Information Center, and the U.S. Holocaust Memorial Museum (with all due respect). In the event that those get intolerably crowded, the more clandestine inaugural viewers might try using bathrooms in the lobbies of nearby hotels. While Obamathon man has neither the time nor the energy to check each hotel to see if bathrooms are available, its a pretty safe bet that lobbies are flush with facilities. Be careful, as the neighborhoods get a bit more sketch further south. See this handy map for area hotels:


click here to view full size


For those of you squeamish about public restrooms, the first order of business is not to drink as much before you leave. The weather should be cold enough so that hydrating won't be an issue, so skip that morning coffee. Second, give some forethought to when you're going to use the bathroom, and leave in advance. If you have any feeling at all that you're going to need a restroom, start moving immediately. For those of you worried about the cleanliness of area bathrooms, you can always bring your own toilet paper, seat covers, water-free hand wash, latex gloves, and for fans of Adrian Monk, wipes.

At the inauguration, doing your business has never been harder, but a little forward thinking will certainly facilitate a more pleasant experience. Happy flushing!

THE OBAMATHON GUIDE.™
Introduction (history, crowd density)
Part 1: Is It Safe? (safety, prohibited items, law enforcement, crime)
Part 2: Crush Hour(Transportation, Getting to DC, Getting to the Mall, the Metro)
Part 3: When Nature Calls
Part 4: Phone Frenzy (Cell phones, texting, finding lost friends)
Part 5: Food for Thought (Food, sack lunches, vendors, restaurants)
Part 6: Got Balls? (Inaugural balls, dress codes, bars)

Links for 1/2

Aloha, Chicago: Obama back from Christmas vacation(LA Times)
Thanks, Blago! (CNN)
Inauguration Aggregation Situation (Washingtonian)
Obama's last 18 days of not being president (CBS)
Damn you, atheists!(LA Times)

Asking For Change: Problem or Solution?

Instead of presenting some cheesy "New Year's Resolution" post, Obamathon Man unveils to the general populace a new series. Asking For Change: an occasional series on what should change in the U.S. under a new president, why it should change, and how we all can make it happen.

One of the defining moments in late 20th century American politics was the ascendancy of Ronald Reagan. Reagan was, of course, the first and most famous of a new breed of politician, the actor-slash-politician. Reagan had all the charm of a used car salesman, and during his presidency he sold the country on the idea that "the government is the problem", an idea which has persisted ever since.

But is the government the really the problem? Certainly there have been plenty of governments that were (and are) problematic, to their citizens and to the world. Would it then be best to get rid of governments? Somalia effectively has no government, and that has also presented problems for both citizens of Somalia and other countries as well.

The truth is, it is naive to bullheadedly operate on the mantra that "government is the problem", just as it is naive to think government is the solution; it can be a part of either. For the past several decades, we have thought that services were good because they were public or private, depending on our ideology. We need to move beyond that. Run schools, roads, utilities, and hospitals in such a way as to get the best results, whether that means publicly or privately. On the campaign trail, Obama said, "We don't need bigger government or smaller government, we need better government." America needs to realize that public and private works are not ends in themselves - human well being and freedom are. Real change will be freeing ourselves from our ideological barriers and working to make things better.

2008: the Good, the Bad, the Ugly

Obamathon Man has been blogging for less than 112th of 2008, so instead of launching into some grandiose (but well written) retrospective, I'll keep this short and sweet.

The Good




The Bad







The Ugly



New Years in Denver


Obamathon Man and his associate chose to ring in the New Year in Downtown Denver. It was nice, a big crowd filled the length of the 16th Street Mall and waited eagerly for midnight. There was no big digital clock to watch, but at ten seconds before midnight people in nearby bars began to count down and it spread to the crowd on the street. The fireworks were about a second early, but it was still a good show, and they were fired on both sides of the mall. Friends hugged, couples kissed, and a group of young kids ran up and down the street with a 90s era boombox blaring Daft Punk, prompting spontaneous dancing. A man poured champagne for someone he'd never met before. Ah, the mile high life.



Eventually the fireworks stopped, and we went home. On the way, we passed two girls in carnival outfits, and a man in a white suit with a plastic hat. It was fun.